Babies, you’ve made your point. You are cute, small and love to dance to “Single Ladies.” We get it. You should be happy with what you have, but some of you greedy babies and toddlers also want to be known as “talented.” So you decided to cover Beatles songs. Bad news, babies. Most of you suck. Before you think we are being mean, remember, toddlers don’t read the Internet. That, and height, is what separates us from the toddlers. Besides, if there’s one thing children need more of, it is criticism from blogs. Dr. Spock (not the Vulcan) will tell you the same thing. Here are the 17 Worst Beatles Songs Performed By Babies.
17. “I Am The Walrus” performed by a toddler
You are giving a performance in front of the entire Internet, and you can’t be bothered to spit out your gum. Lame. Don’t they teach manners in pre-school anymore?
16. “Hey Jude” performed by a two-year-old
The plus is that the baby is actually British. The drawback is that she mumbles through an uninspired performance that she can’t even be bothered to stand for. Her tone is off, and “Hey Jude” is such a clichéd choice for the baby-singing-Beatles genre. Practicality every baby picks this song.
15. “Live And Let Die” performed by a four-year-old
Face it Toby, you’re too old to be a baby singing the Beatles. That ship has sailed, leaving you alone and old on the dock of Cape Has-been. Give it up.
14. “Let It Be” performed by a two-year-old
Here is a lesson for parents. Be careful when you tell your kid to “sing it loud.” Send this video to any Beatles fans that you want to discourage from procreating, or to any two-year-olds you want to teach to slamdance.
13. “Hey Jude” performed by a 27-month-old
Is this baby drunk? This baby is probably drunk. Why else would she murder one of the most memorable Beatles melodies? It was never “Hey June.” Seriously? Another music artist thinking she can do justice to the Fab 4, just because she knows how to walk. Shatner made the same mistake.
12. “Strawberry Fields Forever” performed by a three-year-old
What is that? A tutu? Admittedly, quite cute, but you used to be about the music, man. Now it’s all about the teddy bears and the applause from your adoring parents fans.
11. “All You Need Is Love” performed by a three-year-old
We certainly didn’t “wuv” this performance. All YOU need is a vocal coach. We don’t mean to sound discouraging, but if you haven’t mastered this song by the age of three, you never will.
10. “All My Lovin” performed by a toddler
Respect. This kid has NONE. If he did, he’d bother to the get the words right. The lyrics can be easily found on the Internet or at the local library. Can’t you read?
9. “I Saw Her Standing There” four-year-old drummer
What song is this? “I Saw Her Standing There?” You can’t even tell! Ringo isn’t even dead yet, yet he dug a hole in the ground, climbed in, laid down, died, and he is now rolling over in his grave because of this song. This makes “Octopus’s Garden” look like “Let It Be.”
8. “I Dig A Pony” performed by a two-year-old
The description says this kid is 2.5 years old. We give his performance 2.5 stars, and not out of 5 stars, out of 10 stars, because that is a less favorable ratio. Even with the actual Beatles song as a guide track, this child can’t remember the words. It’s almost like he’d rather be watching “Spongebob,” and instead is being forced to give this performance for his Beatles-loving parents.
7. “Say It’s Your Birthday” performed by a two-year-old
He clearly doesn’t know the words, so this punk tries to get by on his dancing. But is it even dancing if you forget to move your legs? Time to grow up, 2.75-year-old. Besides, that’s not even a real age. Learn some math, while you are at it.
6. “Don’t Let Me Down” performed by a toddler
The title to this video is “Undisputed Cutest and most talented toddler sings Beatles ‘Don’t Let Me Down.’” Change your title, pal, cause we are disputing it. At least the other toddlers try to memorize more than one word.
5. “Blackbird” performed by a two-year-old
We appreciate the commitment to the performance (when she’s not looking around or getting distracted), but can we talk about this camera angle? This camera angle is from the driver’s seat, facing backwards, in a car with at least two small children in the back. No performance is worth taking your eyes off the road. For this particular performance, you’re better off looking around for extra roads to pay attention to.
4. “Ticket To Ride” performed by a three-year-old
Cute? Yes. Good Beatles cover? No. Another child that needs to listen to more Joe Cocker. That man knew how to do a Beatles cover/”Wonder Years” theme song.
3. “Yellow Submarine” performed by a three-year-old
This kid’s name is “Jude,” and he’s being forced to sing “Yellow Submarine,” so his parents must be huge Beatles fans. They must be heartbroken this lazy toddler clearly hasn’t even bothered to learn to play his guitar.
2. “Yellow Submarine” performed by a toddler
Even though this isn’t one of the most complicated Beatles’s melodies, this girl hits most of the notes. Good work, but why don’t you try something new? Or are you happy treading over the same musical ground that has been trod upon for 40 years? Tread someplace new next time.
1. “Hey Jude” performed by three-year-old
This is agreed by most (but not all) babies-singing-Beatles experts to be the finest example of the babies-singing-Beatles genre. However, even though he is the best at being a baby singing the Beatles, this is still not a good Beatles cover. Clearly he’s hoping music critics will simply see his endearing adorable cuteness, and look past his sloppy rhythm, poor diction, and lackluster stage presence. He doesn’t even PLAY that guitar. You’re cuteness isn’t fooling anyone, adorable Korean baby. We can tell you’re a hack.
The Internet loves babies, even the ugly ones. Check out these 8 Videos Of Kids With Guns, and 9 Kids Singing About Making Out With Katy Perry.
This post was written by Brendan, who can sing better than most of these kids.
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